CPR Principle #9: Perfect Patience and Total Forgiveness

If you’ve ever tried to live out a Christian Philosophy of Relationship, you already know that Principle #9 will test you. Perfect patience and total forgiveness? It sounds all high and noble, until you're hurt, wronged, ignored, or betrayed. Then it sounds impossible.

But this is the standard to which God calls his people in Christ. We’re not just called to patience; we’re called to perfect patience. Not just forgiveness, but total forgiveness. And it’s not because people deserve it. It’s because Jesus is the one we’re ultimately following, and this is how he treats us.

1 Timothy 1:16 But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.

So if we belong to Christ, then we’ve been shown patience beyond measure. That’s our model. But thankfully we’re not left to do this on our own. The Spirit produces His fruit within us: “love, joy, peace, patience…” (Gal. 5:22).

Patience isn’t about pretending people don’t bother us. It’s not apathy or weakness. It’s the strength to bear with someone in love, even when we don’t feel like it (Eph. 4:2). It is sometimes called long-suffering. It means we stay in the game with people because God stayed in the game with us.

But patience without forgiveness will rot. So we must forgive, too. Not just once or just for the big things. We must forgive again and again, like Jesus told Peter in Matthew 18: “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

The model, again, is Jesus. He didn’t wait for us to clean up our act before offering forgiveness. He forgave us while we were still sinners (Rom. 5:8). And now he calls us to do the same.

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

That’s not optional. Jesus even taught us to pray with forgiveness built in: “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matt. 6:12). And then, in case we missed it, he added this: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others…” (Matt. 6:14–15)

For the sake of clarification, forgiveness is not the same as excusing sin. Forgiveness doesn’t mean trust is instantly restored or that wounds don't still hurt. It just means we lay down the right to punish. We let go of the need to make someone pay. That’s God’s job, not ours.

Romans 12:19 Never avenge yourselves…"Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."

Forgiveness is freedom. Not just for them but also for you.

So how do we live out this principle? We must stay close to Christ (CPR Principle #1 is a necessity). We remember what we’ve been forgiven of. We choose to reflect him in our relationships, not out of guilt, but because grace changes everything.

Colossians 3:12–13 Put on then… compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another… as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.